The dangers of free wheelers.

There has been a lot about the excesses of unregulated financial speculation in the last few days and we suspect this will smolder on for a while but a lot will get away Scot free. For those of us who daily do work on the golf course of UK general practice we have encountered a new threat provided by some other unregulated free wheelers in this country. While exiting the confines of Shiteton's vast sprawling urban metropolis we encountered an as yet undiscovered hazard on Northernshire's roads.

We are well used to early morning pigeons, pheasants, deer, tanks, fallen trees and more recently floods as a result of the idle Brown turd's dump on general practitioners and their staff which is reflected daily in his work avoidance schedule but what we encountered on a 400 yard straight recently bettered all of these hazards and dereliction of duty.

We were firing up the Ferrari for a 0-30mph sprint when the onboard hazard proximity radar detected slow moving incoming from 1 o'clock. The target was on a linear course which did not deviate and at 400 yards away was on a direct head on collision course with the Ferrari. The deflector shields were instantly activated and the photon torpedos armed and readied.

As we approached to visual contact we were met with a silver haired surfer preceded by a three wheeler rollator (pictured above for the benefit of readers as a hazard avoidance learning needs exercise for your PDP after your have filled in a SRT) who was giving us no ground as they continued undeterred along the white line provided in the middle of the road for the navigational assistance of elderly drivers. You will be pleased to know that the middle wheel of the rollator was kept on the white line in an undeviating military fashion despite the flashing lights and horns of oncoming motorists traveling either side of the hazard.

This Ethelocet missile topped with a dark blue all weather woolen cardigan and woolly hat tastefully off set by a white night dress and slippers below in a torrential midsummer downpour suggested something was not quite right. Even white van man took evasive action most impressive as he was on his mobile at the time complying, as did the Ethelocet with all current UK motoring and other legislation.

Now three wheeled vehicles are traditionally the preserve of the very young in the form of tricycles or a fad of middle-aged eccentrics or a necessity for mobility for the very old.

A three-wheeled Ethelocet must surely be more hazardous than a rogue banker or free wheeling dealer and is clearly a failure of the health and social care system and not the financial regulator or the responsible politicians? Clearly we GPs need increased dementia awareness to stop this new scourge of unregulated free wheeling Ethelocets?

Mr. Speaker, it is only a matter of time before an Ethelocet hits a white van and causes their driver immeasurable harm and, as a result irreparable economic harm to this country.

Mr. Speaker, we need an Ethel's law now or else. I commend Ethel's Law to the house . . .

Praise be to the Party for continuing to allowing expression by the individual at the expense of the masses' safety. Protect the public from unregulated Ethelocets now and leave the bankers and others involved in other mischief alone.